Chuckle #431| November 24th, 2010
Wall-to-Wall Filth
I really thought I was moving up the decorating food chain the day I installed expensive wall-to-wall carpeting in my bedroom. I had a sea of pale green luxury beneath my feet, and most importantly, warm toes. So classy, I said to myself.
A mere 3 years later I hated that carpet with every fiber in my soul. There is a reason why carpet cleaning products abound and carpet cleaning businesses thrive…it’s because carpet is a filth collector. Wall-to-wall is a man-made mite and dirt magnet that cannot be cleaned to any socially acceptable standards, (even my own relatively low ones.)
Not to mention the fact that super-magnified pictures of dust mites really freak me out.
Dust mites thrive in an area where it's about 77 degrees, and the relative humidity is 75 percent. Their ideal habitat is a fully-carpeted room. (Hint: do not carpet the bathroom or be tempted by a throw-rug.) Yet the mite itself is not the problem, though they are seriously ugly little 8-legged arachnids. It’s their POOP - which they generate by eating bits of our dead skin. From our carpets.
Grossed out yet?
What really bothers me is that for almost the same price, I could have installed hardwood in my bedroom and saved myself from a decade of steam cleaner rental, frantic calls to the carpet stain removal guys, and the purchase of endless vats of Carpet “Fresh” and Pet “Fresh.” (“Fresh” meaning “laden with toxic chemicals.”)
None of the above, including intensive vacuuming with every vacuum tool imaginable, (plus a failed experiment with my tongue) had any visible effect on the dirt / dog hair / mite-poop buildup on my carpet. No matter what we did, that carpet looked DIRTY.
What bothers me even more is that I did this to myself; I chose carpet over hardwood in the first place.
Finally, after 10 years of punishing myself, I’ve ripped up the wall-to-wall and installed beautiful ebony-stained hardwood. It looks awesome. And yes, I still have to vacuum, but I’ll take a few dust bunnies and dog hair tumbleweeds over 100 billion dust mites any day.
Now when the dog barfs I’m no longer faced with an epic 6 hour barf scraping and de-staining project. Red wine spills…no problem. Coffee sloshes…bring it on. All I need is a roll of paper towels. Thanks to my new hardwood floor, I’m in stanky stain heaven. Maybe I should be embarrassed to admit that, but I’m not.
My carpet is gone and I’ve never been happier. So what if I have to wear socks in my room. So what if I have no mites to eat my dead skin bits and have to vacuum them up myself. It’s such a teeny tiny price to pay.
Of course it would have been a much teenier price if I had just put the hardwood floor down to begin with.
