Chuckle #450 | May 4th, 2011
The Magic of Millinery
Seth Meyers may have said it best …“I’m just thankful to live in a nation that doesn’t wear hats like that.” This got me thinking. Wacky hats definitely spiced-up the otherwise stodgy Kate and Willy nuptials, but the royal wedding needed much more excitement to make it worth watching, especially for an American audience.
Here’s what I was thinking…
1) Why stop with a hat that looks like a “Kracken” attack? Why not have “transformer” hats that would offer both form AND function. A hat that could double as a gin still or turn into an umbrella could be huge in the UK.
2) Sir Elton should have been invited to perform instead of just sit on his tush – what a waste. And I’m pretty sure his hat would have outshone them all.
3) There should have been at least a hundred more Archbishops ‘cause you just can’t have too many of those pointy Bishop hats no matter what the event.
4) What kind of “red carpet” was that! Where was Joan Rivers?
5) I would very much have liked to see how the wacky hats handled high winds.
6) Given how dangerous some of those hats looked, I expected to see more hat related royal blood-letting, such as punctured lungs and loss of sight etc. “Hat fight club” would be totally worth watching.
7) If this was America there would surely have been some brawls due to hat obstructed views. Unfortunately upper class Brits are too polite to brawl, except in Parliament and over soccer. Or maybe they just didn’t catch the royals “duking” it out on film.
8) Best hat ever? The crown that will someday provide coverage for William’s increasingly shiny pate.
Seriously, if you are going to marry a prematurely bald guy, he might as well be the future King of England.
Mother country factoids you may or may not have known…
1) Most of the weird head pieces you saw at the royal wedding are called “fascinators”. Really.
2) The gravity defying placement of royal hats is achieved with pins, combs and clips, and in the case of Posh Spice, an oversized forehead and industrial strength glue.
3) In my humble commoner opinion, the Prime Minister’s wife was technically wearing a headband and was therefore embarrassingly “under-hatted”. (And you probably heard that the PM was planning to wear a business suit instead of a morning coat until thankfully, someone with sense intervened.)
4) With Brits complaining about the cost of royal family upkeep, it is brilliant of William to have allied himself with a family that has its own business. If the royal thing doesn’t work out, he can always help Pippa sell party favors.
5) Meanwhile the royal couple is saving money for a down payment on a palace of their own by shacking up with Charles and Camilla. I agree that this could be very awkward, but economically it makes perfect sense.
In the end there is just ONE THING that I am just dying to know. Did the Best Man and Maid of Honor hook up at the reception or not? Tight lipped Brits will never tell, which means I’m going to have to spend another 5 bucks on People Magazine this month.
And just maybe I’ll get myself a hat. I think Princess Beatrice’s Cthulhu number would totally rock at hat fight club.
