Chuckle #452 | May 18th, 2011
What Happens at Prom, Stays Secret from Mom
My son went to Junior Prom last weekend. Don’t ask me how it went, because I know NOTHING. My son is a master the one word, betray nothing, dead pan response. He acts like a junior member of the CIA, code name Agent Aphonic.
As a first time “prom mom”, I am absolutely DESPERATE for details. I don’t need to know if he kissed her or not, I’ll take any news at all. Did the DJ have a beard? Were the tablecloths red? Did they serve Coke or Pepsi? Did anyone fail the breathalyzer? I begged like a junkie, but he gave up nada.
You think I’m joking, but I’m not exaggerating even a tiny bit. Here’s how the 12:30AM prom pick-up/debriefing went…
Son gets in car. Silence falls. Then more silence, followed by an extended period of silence, with an extra serving of catatonically deep silence. None of this seemed to make HIM uncomfortable in the least. Meanwhile I am apoplectic with suppressed curiosity and very close to popping a blood vessel.
I finally say (and I admit that by this point my voice is laced with sarcasm and exasperation) “Dad and the rest of us watched a movie tonight. What, perchance, did YOU do?”
Son: “I went to prom.”
Me: (feigning incredulity) “Really? So that’s what you were doing.”
Son: “Yes.”
Me: “Did your date have fun?”
Son: “I believe so.”
Me: “How was the D.J.?”
Son: “Adequate.”
Me: “What was the room like?”
Son: “Lots of round tables.”
Me: “Who did you sit with?”
Son: “My date.”
Me: “Did you dance?”
Son: “Yes.”
My son would make an excellent POW. He easily fended off a sustained “Gitmom-style” interrogation and gave away NOTHING of interest to the female gender. My giddy Q&A failed to produce any dirt. He showed no mercy, and I’m his mother. Imagine how he’d treat an actual Enemy of State.
I sure hope the Junior CIA appreciates his special skills.
Daunted and fuming about the dearth of prom intelligence, I decided to fight fire with fire. I gave him The Silent Treatment. Ha, I thought. This will teach the inarticulate little man-in-training a lesson. Big mistake. Men like the silent treatment. In their opinion, the less we talk the better.
I know at least one mom whose son tells her stuff without first being tasered. This is not normal behavior for a teenage boy, but I don’t want to tell her that because 1) I am jealous and 2) talking to her is the only way I can get information about what my son is doing since the two boys are friends.
My daughter tells me not to despair because when she goes to prom she will tell me everything. She’s a sweet girl, but I’m still going to ask her to put that in writing.
So in just two short years I will get my prom questions answered. Until then, out of spite, I am responding to my son using only two words: “leftovers” and “maybe.” I too can play this game. At some point he will BEG to hear a compound sentence.
Yep. Any day now…still waiting…
