Chuckle #463 | August 17th, 2011
My Airplane Seatmate Runneth Over
Human compassion has its limits. And that limit is never more quickly reached than in an airplane when one passenger encroaches on another’s space. Humans are territorial. Neighbors put up fences to mark their territory, dogs urinate, and airplanes have armrests. The armrest distinguishes one passenger’s “space” from another’s. It creates order from chaos; it keeps YOU from peeing on MY seat.
But what happens when the armrest ‘can’t’ go down? I’ll tell you what happens. Civilization begins to crumble. Eyes roll and nasty things are said.
Yes, it is awkward to have to sit on another person during a 10 hour transcontinental flight because one can’t afford business class. On the other hand, it is equally awkward and uncomfortable to be sat upon. What’s an airline to do?
Most do very little. The ‘passenger size’ issue is a legal quagmire and airlines keep their rules vague and inconsistently enforced on purpose. From a legal perspective, it is much better for the airline to let their passengers duke it out amongst themselves.
So what ends up happening is this… Let’s say one person is slim and really only needs 14 inches of their 17 inch seat. Let’s say another person is large and needs the entire 17 inch seat, plus 8 inches of the adjoining seat. If the flight is full, the slim person will usually forgo making a scene and leave the armrest up. Then, even though these two lovebirds have only just met, they’ll spend the rest of the flight pressed intimately up against each other in flagrante delicto.
I have to wonder, should one of them find themselves “knocked up” at the end of the flight, would Jet Blue pay child support? Somehow I don’t think so.
The sit “er”, feels badly about sitting on someone for 10 hours (but not badly enough to pay for an extra seat.) The sit “ee” is uncomfortable, drenched in shared sweat, and royally pissed about getting a 9 inch seat when they paid for the full 17.
Who’s to blame?
Canada recently enacted a law saying that airlines must provide two seats (at no additional cost) to individuals “functionally disabled by obesity”, without defining exactly what that means. Airlines in America are totally spooked, are re-writing their “Contract of Carriage”, and are telling flight attendants to “zip it” regarding of ‘seatmates of size’.
I’d like to point out that flying is no longer fun.
Why has no airline (other than Maersk) come up with a creative solution to the ever expanding human waistline? Why are seats still ‘one width fits all’ even though the latest studies show that a full third of American butts require more? I would have expected Virgin, Southwest or Jet Blue to offer an extra wide seat option by now, like they do extra leg room. But American ingenuity seems to have been left at the gate. (Along with airline profitability, perhaps?)
I don’t think people should have to buy two seats when all they need is an extra 7 or 8 inches, unless that seat is mine. Airlines could supersize a couple rows in coach and charge a reasonable-ish price for those upgraded seats. I’d be more than willing to pay a $10 surcharge if it guaranteed me a comfortable flight, with the armrest down and no unwanted pregnancy to deal with upon my return from the BVIs.
The first airline to come up with a solution that satisfies both those who need a little extra space and those who are tired of giving up what little space they have will make a bloody fortune. Hint, the current system of robbing Peter to pay Paul, or humiliating Paul in hopes that he spontaneously drops 100lbs before the flight takes off is NOT working.
The sad fact is that Americans are not getting any thinner. If airlines think that they can compel Americans to conform to the available seat size, they’ve already been proven wrong. These Americans are, ironically, stronger willed than that. I don’t like this any more than Michelle Obama, but serving/caving to the needs of the marketplace has got to be better for the bottom line than completely ignoring those needs and sticking your head in the sand. Or am I missing something here?
This is an opportunity for airlines to differentiate themselves. This could be the game changer that this highly competitive (mostly failing) industry so desperately needs.
This is an opportunity for airlines to differentiate themselves. This could be the game changer that this highly competitive (mostly failing) industry so desperately needs.
Consider this a challenge. We, your beleaguered customers, sit “ers” and sit “ees” alike, respectfully throw down the gauntlet. We’d throw down the armrest as well, but as you know, we all too often can’t.